Ever decreasing circles

Fan Fiction about Sean, non 18+

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Ever decreasing circles

Post by sharpshooter1 » Wed Feb 20, 2013 4:16 pm

Title ~ Ever decreasing circles
Characters ~ Sean and Viggo
They belong to themselves
Just a little romantic nonsense
Inspired by old songs and my favourite film
It never happened ~ as far as I know
Rating ~ schmaltzy and little bit naughty?
Word count – 4,137

1} A fine romance

‘I’m sorry but he is away on holiday and does not wish to be disturbed.’
‘But I’m an old friend and...’
‘Yes sir I do understand but as I have previously said he does not wish to be disturbed.’
‘Do you know who I am? All I’m asking for is his new mobile number.’
‘Yes sir, but he specified that he didn’t want to be contacted by anyone other than family members and then only in an emergency. Now sir – if you will excuse me the other phone is ringing and I must answer it. Good bye.

The line went quiet. He closed his phone and found himself actually grinding his teeth together.
‘Bastard. The one time I have a few spare weeks he disappears and won’t take any phone calls. Not my fault I couldn’t make it last time. Today was supposed to be a big surprise – f**k the best laid plans. Suppose I should have let him know I was arriving today. We could have been flying out together tomorrow. Where have you run away to?’ A cruel question uncurled in his mind and whispered ‘Maybe he has found someone else.’

He checked into an airport hotel and sat on the bed muttering and shaking his head.
‘All these years, all the lies, the tears, the broken promises; he should have waited, he always did before. We always found ways to compromise. Surely he knew I would finally come round, and do the right thing ... but now … he won’t even speak to me by phone?’

He pulled a handkerchief from his pocket, blew his nose and dried his tears. A long, lonely arid four weeks now stretched in front of him. He took the airline tickets from his wallet rubbing his thumb over the name of his love. It would have been the perfect destination, a chance to relax, reconnect, to erase all the bitterness and misunderstandings of the last few years, a last chance to rescue and renew their love.

‘Might as well go by myself; nothing better to do.’ He laughed harshly ‘Might even be a way of getting him out of my head and heart once and for all, move on like he seems to have done.’

2} I don’t want to cry anymore

So here he was revisiting the scene of the ‘crime.’ Everything and nothing had changed. Inside him the same emotions roiled. The little beach front bungalow he had rented on the spur of the moment with its shabby chic furniture, wooden veranda and hanging baskets was both new and old to him. The ocean, the long white beaches were as he remembered them. Light breezes and days of sun without end; sudden storms and nights spent under a warm southern sky lit by a moon that was close enough to touch.

Some days were angry days blurred by brief sun fed storms brewed in the hot ocean, Days of high winds and raging rain when he stood with his arms outstretched hoping the rain would scour away the residue of his love and pain. Empty his heart and beat him into the ground, into peace and oblivion.

Every night he would shower then stand looking long and hard at himself in the mirror, gently touching and caressing his body. His nipples still tightened, his cock still jumped and twitched at the memory of how love and sex felt with the right person. No one before nor after had ever made him feel so precious, so fulfilled, so right, so happy, so hopeful. Later he knew he would lie alone on the bed and conjure the voice and hands of his lost love. Pleasuring himself until, weeping, he climaxed alone.

He cycled every few days into the small town for groceries. No one recognised him although sometimes someone would glance at him then shake their head and pass by. His hair no longer cropped short for comfort under a hot wig was softer and longer now and the grey was starting to show at his temples. He felt not older but smaller; somehow diminished, a man deemed unworthy of love by his lover. A few more weeks here and then what? He couldn’t even imagine ‘then.’ Would it be filled with more of the same loneliness; the realisation his love was not returned, that he was still a romantic fool at his age.

Yet some days he would return to the old haunts. He would sit quietly in a corner slowly drinking a beer, remembering, and reliving again the laughter, the jokes. The love they all held for each other, the unspoken promise that it was always going to be one for all and all for one. They were still all in touch with cards at Christmas, unexpected meetings in airports, the odd dinner squeezed into busy schedules. None of them ever forgotten the magic but life had led them here and there and changed them as it must.

3} Travelling light ~ Viggo

Exhausted he made his way down the airplane stairs to the tarmac then across to the arrivals hall. His one case soon appeared on the conveyor belt. For a moment he felt naked for he had left his other case full of his usual distractions, full of the paints and books he hid behind to block out his responsibilities. All left behind in storage at the obliging hotel in Heathrow.
Outside the airport he wound down the window of the taxi and inhaled deeply the smell of a different continent, a different world, a different time.

The beach house was smaller than he had thought from the brochure but it would have been big enough for both of them for a few weeks. The front door opened onto a large sitting room with sliding doors to the veranda and steps to the beach. There was a large bedroom with a king size double bed and a small bathroom. He put down his case and sadly shook his head at the bed.

In the tiny kitchen there were a few essential food supplies as ordered. He ignored them and grabbed the ice tray and pulled the duty free JD from his bag then sat on the veranda. He even found he was smiling as he indulged himself and his body by wallowing in past pleasures and memories. Exhausted he fell asleep under the moon and southern stars.

The next day he awoke still on the veranda his body clock and head spinning. The little radio clock announced 10.00 a.m. He wasn’t sure whether he had slept through the night or through a day and night. No matter, he felt ready to face the day. Thirsty, he drank down a carton of juice and then ate some toasted bread. He started to write a list, honey, butter, fruit, fresh bread, carton of beer.

He went down to the ocean and in changing it had not changed at all. Small waves slapped the sand, medium waves spanked the sand and the third and greatest waves dealt hefty blows that castigated the length of the shore line then gathered the other dying waves and withdrew to begin again.

They had laughed and once even spanked each other to the rhythm of the waves.
He had forgotten that silly game; he had forgotten the careless laughter. He remembered other foolish tricks they had all played on each other. What a good time it had been. Almost magical, another world, where had it all gone?

He had included two rental bikes in the holiday package thinking they might spend a day cycling and looking for the perfect secluded beach. A hidden beach where they could renew their love. He pedalled slowly down to the little town. Some people queuing for a bus glanced at him, a skinny middle aged man on a bike, who needed a haircut; just another scruffy tourist. He cycled passed muttering ‘sic transit gloria mundi’ to himself under his breath, then laughed and berated himself thinking what a poseur he turned in to.

4} Stormy Weather Sean

He strolled along the beach that afternoon. There was a cave they had sometimes used, secret and sheltered by rocks and vegetation. He was in the mood to torment himself, to play the martyr, to be the suffering discarded lover. Finally he realised he couldn’t even find the cave and cursed aloud shouting at the sky, the sand and the sea.
‘Go on you even cheat me out of that memory’ he muttered, shaken he turned and slowly walked back along the beach.

His rented house was the last or first along the beach depending which way you came. He noticed there were a few more families today, fathers swimming or running along the shore. Children jumping and screaming with joy in the waves. He had no smiles to spare for them. He climbed the steps and flopped onto the lounger. Stretched out, his head buried into his arms he slept the afternoon and his bad mood away

5} Be still my foolish heart

‘Well look at that’ he said ‘The Green parrot still going strong, seeing as I am alone, I might as well cycle down later for old time’s sake and have a few beers.’ he promised himself.

He cycled slowly back. He unpacked his few purchases and indulged in making and eating a sandwich thick with butter and honey and indulging in a good pot of coffee. He felt better and later he went down for a swim. As he came out rubbing salt water and sand from his eyes for an instant he imagined he saw his lost love in the distance running along the beach. With his towel he rubbed painful tears from his eyes.

‘Shall I? Shan’t I? Either I’ll lay here and get drunk alone or I go out and get drunk in company. Option two I think. Another f***ing sunny day in paradise and I’m no closer to getting him out of my mind.

6} Day in, Day out Sean

He awoke and stumbled to the loo. A quick glance in the mirror left him cursing and laughing at the same time. One side of his hair was flat to his head, his nose was sunburnt and there was what looked like dried drool around his mouth.

‘Bloody hell is that what I look like after a refreshing nap?’ He peered closer, sighed, shrugged muttering ‘Ah well still plenty of scripts coming my way – there’s always room, even for an old hack like me,’

He ran the shower hot, and loaded his sponge with a creamy shower gel. The heat, the silky feel of the hot water felt so good he leaned back against the wall and without thinking began caressing himself, remembering the heat, the love shining from grey eyes, the large hand, the desire... He stopped suddenly, horrified at how quickly he had fallen under the spell of painful memories. Angrily he turned the water to cold.

Later dressed in his favourite soft jeans and a clean tee he grabbed his wallet, locked his door, mounted his bike and headed off towards the town. The fresh breeze sweeping away the heat of the day.

‘If it’s not too busy tonight I might be get a chance to play a few tunes on their piano. It’ll almost be like the old days’ he thought as he pedalled into the dusk.

7} Lover man where can you be? Viggo

He peered at his face in the mirror of the tiny steam filled bathroom. It seemed as if a younger version of himself stared back. The mist had softened and hidden the wrinkles around his eyes. His wet hair hung lank at the sides of his face, the wiry grey hairs smoothed and darkened by the steam. He wiped a circle in the mirror and confronted his everyday face. Once his great enthusiasm for life and his love for the one person who had loved him, back warts and all had kept him young – but now the spell was broken.

He had been careless with his priorities and let their love die. He shouted at the sad face in the mirror.
‘You fool you can’t make love to poems, books, photos or paintings.’
With his towel he scrubbed away every vestige of the face in mirror. In his mind he heard again a sad voice that had once said ‘...but Vigs you haven’t left any room for me.’

He dressed in his favourite soft worn jeans and a clean tee, the breeze was refreshing as he pedalled towards the town.
‘Might be someone interesting to talk to, you never know. Maybe even lay a few ghosts in the bar.’ He thought hopefully. ‘What fun we had, such good memories, such good friends. How lucky we all were.’

8} I’ll look around

Viggo arrived at the bar, a few cars already in the car park and a solitary bicycle propped in the bike rack. He wheeled over and pushed his bike next to it.

‘There you go company for you- hope I get lucky too’ he laughed and headed for the bar. He opened the door to light and warmth and the faint sound of a piano being played.

There was a pleasant buzz as the bar slowly filled, thirsty Sean drank down a good cold lager then looked around and went over to the manager.
‘Hi Phil, can I play for a while?’
‘Be my guest – Frank’s not in till later so enjoy, knock your self out.’

He went to the piano sat down and opened the key board then warmed his fingers up for a few minutes. Head to one side he touched the keys, unbidden he drifted into playing an old love song. He heard the words in his head, they seemed so right. Some people stopped and raised their glasses to him, someone was even singing the words, he smiled nodding his head and continued.

9} You must remember this.

‘It couldn’t be him, not here, not now. How did he know I would be here or is he trying to lay the ghost of our love? Trying to move on like me?’

He felt sick and dizzy, Sean’s head was bent over the keyboard, and a few people were gathered round humming and singing some of the words. He looked hungrily at his lost love, still the same straggly soft blond hair, the same strong wide shoulders straining against his tee shirt. He heard again that rich laugh and could hear the Yorkshire undertones.

Now or never. He walked over put his hand on Sean’s shoulder bent down and whispered
‘Of all the gin joints...’ He felt Sean’s shock as he heard his voice then looked up into his eyes.
Still in character he smiled and said ‘You can play it for them you can play it for me. Play it Sean’. Sean stood up and backed away.

‘No, no I won’t, this isn’t some happy ending b/w film. This is real life I won’t let you destroy me again. How did you find me here? Who told you where I was?’
‘Calm down Sean, listen no one would tell me where you had gone or how to get in contact with you. I had already booked a house on the beach here and bought the airline tickets; I went a day earlier to London planning to surprise then whisk you away. I had nowhere else to go so I came back here to try to find ’us’ to either find the courage to end it forever or find the courage to go home and beg you to forgive me; to let us try one more time. That’s the truth Sean’

10}/ Too close for comfort

Sean stumbled outside. He shook his head. He had exhausted himself trying come to terms with his life, to come to terms with being alone, to smiling madly at the paps while escorting pretty girls to previews and openings. He had given up on love or perhaps love had given up on him. At least he could respect himself for no longer hanging around desperate for the few crumbs of love that came his way.

‘No no not again I can’t do this again.’

He grabbed his bike and pedalled away into the night, towards the beach. Arriving breathless he flung his bike by the fence at the side of his beach house. He stood in the dark trying to calm down then he went on to the beach, the waves rustled, he walked for a while then he stopped, looking up into the sky filled with stars. Strange thoughts whirled around his head and he walked on trying to make sense of what it all meant. To be toyed with again would be the end of him. At least now he had got used to being alone; going home to an empty house. A hard won battle to realise and accept that his love was too busy to return his phone calls. Sometimes he would receive a short email promising a visit very soon or maybe Sean could fly over and stay for a few days. He would eagerly email back a date – but it was never the right time.

Finally he sat on the sand and stopped thinking. He listened to his breathing and the waves. He let go and just was.

11} I’ve got you under my skin.
Viggo raced out after Sean; even in his turmoil he noticed his bike was now alone in the racks. Looking round he caught a glimpse of a cyclist heading down the beach road. Mounting his bike he raced off down the beach road.

‘I’m sorry my love I’ll make it up to you, I can’t lose your love we’ll get through this I promise.’
He prayed as he reached the small track the led down onto the beach .He almost crashed into a bike flung against a fence. Dismounting he looked at the other bike

‘Looks like the bike in the parking lot, please, please, please let it be him. I’ve got to put this right I can’t lose him, I can’t lose us.’

He saw what looked like tracks in the sand carefully he followed them and the star filled night lit his way. Up ahead he could just make out a silent, motionless figure sat on the sand. He slowed down. He felt sick, his whole being concentrated on Sean, he swallowed trying to think what to say, how to explain and put things right.

12} Unforgettable
Sean heard Viggo’s heavy breathing as he stumbled and slid down the sand and finally sat next to him. Then silence. Slowly stretching he came back to himself - there was something he needed to share. He looked up at the sky then turned to Viggo and spoke.

‘I remember hearing we are looking at the past when we look at the night sky. That some stars are already dead we only see them because it takes so long for their light to arrive.’ He paused then continued ‘Maybe this is us Vigs, maybe ‘us’ is just the dying light of a dead star and we hadn’t realised , we are looking back to what we had but it doesn’t exist anymore. It’s dead.’

He stopped speaking and closed his eyes. It had hurt to be so honest, it hurt to know that he had given Viggo a way out, but it was the right think to do. To give him back his cherished freedom; to step out of his life. He tried to swallow his tears in the silence between them. He moved to get up and go back to the little house. To pack up, move on and leave it all behind forever. Viggo grasped his wrist and pulled him back onto the sand.

13} When I fall in love

‘His wrist is cold and his pulse racing and if I have to hold on to his wrist for the rest of my life I will do so.’ Still holding his wrist tightly Viggo rolled on top of Sean.

‘Get off if you think everything is about sex then you are so wrong...’ spluttered Sean angry and fighting back like an ally cat.

‘Listen to me, I listened to you. Stay calm and let me have my say. First although it sounds very romantic you can’t really see the light of long dead stars – if you don’t believe me when we get home I’ll show you the evidence in my Big Boy’s book of astronomy. Second you do not get rid of me so quickly, nice idea, thank you, but I am not going anywhere

Sean huffed and relaxed a little. Make or break time.

‘Let me explain something weird to you. You set me free to be ‘artistic’ so in a way it’s your fault. You believed in me. You always let me have time to work on my projects, you were happy for me to be happy doing what I liked, you encouraged me. No let me finish.’ Viggo held him down as a furious Sean struggled beneath him.

‘Listen you put me first all the time and that made our relationship very one sided. Sean I know I can be a selfish bastard and yes I was, I suddenly realised it when I said I didn’t have time to go on your surprise trip. You didn’t tell me it was our last chance, you didn’t tell me how hurt you were although I heard it in your voice. You didn’t argue or say you were disappointed you just mumbled something about not to worry you’d go alone.

Sean why didn’t you fight back, tell me to stop being so bloody selfish and make time because it was important to you, important to us. When I realised I wanted to be with you more than anything else I booked tickets etc to the one place I thought we could rekindle our love, the place we first met and fell in love. It was to be a big surprise for you.

He bent down and kissed Sean’s mouth ‘It’s getting cold, please let’s get off this sand and go somewhere we can talk properly – my place or yours?

14} What is this thing called love?

Perhaps Fate had a hand in placing the little beach villas next door to each other? Who knows? This time they were older and wiser and were truthful with each other. Sean explained he didn’t want to always be the one phoning and sounding needy. He’d like Viggo to get off the bloody computer or leave the easel now and again to phone him unexpectedly, just to talk.

They both decided they needed to spend more time together, to make space for each other. To be seen together and if the press wanted to speculate and cast aspersions well what the hell, they, the press could sit on it and twist. They both confessed that although sex was great with a capital G just sitting down having a drink or a meal together, simply talking and laughing was also sheer heaven. Having got everything off their chests they moved from talking to action.

The old saying ‘Absence makes the heart grow fonder’ was certainly found to be true and they made up for lost time breathless with hot naked sun kissed bodies pressed together, their lips and hands oh so busy.

They paid a return visit to the Green Parrot – gossip had preceded them but for the first time in public they sat close together arms casually around each other.
‘Right, you two ran out in the middle Sean’s effort at playing ‘As time goes by’ – so come along Sean - this way here’s the piano let’s hear it and let’s have the full version this time.’

Sean smiled and ran his hands over the keys – Viggo swallowed and try to ignore the effect watching those elegant hands had on him. Sean played the song out and once again quite a few people joined in and sang along. At the end Viggo blew Sean a kiss ending with ‘We’ll always have New Zealand.’ Sean frowned then hugging his man tight replied ‘You just try getting on the plane and leaving me behind with Claude Rains...

Back home they never forgot how close they had come to ruining their relationship. They made space for each other, visits, long holidays, phone calls, emails – in fact in true romantic film style - they lived happily ever after. Fin
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Post by loucifer67 » Wed Feb 20, 2013 4:59 pm

Just how I would imagine their lives to be
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Post by sharpshooter1 » Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:36 pm

Thank you Lou - glad you enjoyed it. It was fun to write.
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Post by morvgal58 » Wed Feb 20, 2013 6:58 pm

Oh Sharps, that was lovely - sniffles - excuse me.....
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Post by sharpshooter1 » Wed Feb 20, 2013 7:40 pm

Bless - nice just now and again to have a happy ending for our darling Sean, he deserves it. Thank you for commenting much appreciated.
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Post by Moominmamma » Wed Feb 20, 2013 7:51 pm

*Sniffle* I am a sucker for a happy ending and I am so happy that this worked out for them. Thank you. abighugs_gif
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Post by sharpshooter1 » Wed Feb 20, 2013 10:23 pm

Dear Mooms - thank you for commenting. So glad you enjoyed the happy ending. Just what we wish for our boys.
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Post by Czechmade » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:21 pm

Ah dearest one - I will never be tired of reading your lovely stories. Our men would love you for the wings of love you spread over them - and us.
Many many thanks!!! abighugs_gif abighugs_gif abighugs_gif
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Post by sharpshooter1 » Fri Feb 22, 2013 7:56 pm

So glad you liked it dearest friend.
Love n'hugs always xxx
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